Just in case you missed it earlier, I'm doing a free show next Wednesday, 12/1, at McSwiggan's on 23rd st and 2nd Ave in Manhattan at 8pm. I just got the final lineup, and it is damn good:
Nikki Glaser
Team Submarine
Dan Goodman
Alison Fornes
Ian Ghent
Pat O'Shea
...And yours fuckin' truly!
Hosted by Ray Field Featuring Todd Montesi
I also just got added to Jen Perney's Monthly, a kickass $5 show in Queens. I will update this post with the final lineup when I get it. Eat and drink enough to avoid killing your family this Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Random Drunk and High Thoughts That Become Something More...
I just wrote this, while drunk and high, over the course of several twitter updates...and it makes sense...and has jokes if read correctly. I like it because it very honestly expresses how I feel and I was just purely angry when I wrote it...it is really honest...and it is going to be a bit, eventually...I may have the balls and the lack of common sense to try it tomorrow:
"It took me a while since I've been away, but I sniffed out most of you platitude spewing fucks. . "Life Coach" gurus:seriously: go fuck yourselves. I don't need your fucking patronizing pop-psychology. No one does. What everyone needs is simply LIFE. The freedom to fuck up and the courage to learn from it...or profit from it. Either that,or you join the spineless,miserable fucks in this world who refused to admit who they were and make it work for them. You think you have a "superior" solution to life? You're an asshole. The solution to life is simple: you're going to fucking die! The "solution" is fucking boring.The "problem" is why we keep living.So stop striving for perfection.Perfection is fucking dull. die imperfect,scarred,used-up,exhausted,overdrugged.overfed,oversexed and happy.Life is a solution in search of a problem. Thanks."
Keep in mind, there are definitely quirks to how it is written that make it obvious that this is a series of tweets...but if I can find the right rhythm with even something this simple, the point has been made and people are going to laugh. Maybe. Perhaps I just revealed myself as not only an optimist but also a hopeless romantic. Go fuck yourselves. I'm not crying about it. I'm fucking living...and simply living is the only enjoyable thing we all have that we all fucking hate for no good reason other than that we overstate our own fucking importance. Fuck you all. Live for a change.
"It took me a while since I've been away, but I sniffed out most of you platitude spewing fucks. . "Life Coach" gurus:seriously: go fuck yourselves. I don't need your fucking patronizing pop-psychology. No one does. What everyone needs is simply LIFE. The freedom to fuck up and the courage to learn from it...or profit from it. Either that,or you join the spineless,miserable fucks in this world who refused to admit who they were and make it work for them. You think you have a "superior" solution to life? You're an asshole. The solution to life is simple: you're going to fucking die! The "solution" is fucking boring.The "problem" is why we keep living.So stop striving for perfection.Perfection is fucking dull. die imperfect,scarred,used-up,exhausted,overdrugged.overfed,oversexed and happy.Life is a solution in search of a problem. Thanks."
Keep in mind, there are definitely quirks to how it is written that make it obvious that this is a series of tweets...but if I can find the right rhythm with even something this simple, the point has been made and people are going to laugh. Maybe. Perhaps I just revealed myself as not only an optimist but also a hopeless romantic. Go fuck yourselves. I'm not crying about it. I'm fucking living...and simply living is the only enjoyable thing we all have that we all fucking hate for no good reason other than that we overstate our own fucking importance. Fuck you all. Live for a change.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
L Ron Hubbard can blow me
New clip from the October edition of John Murdock's deliciously insane mock revival, shot on 10/4/10 at Theater Under St Marks by Rob Dub. Enjoy.
More Shows!
It's been a while since I've scribbled 1s and 0s in this thing because I've been busy writing new material/drinking/being a general miserable fuck. First order of business: shameless self promotion. I've got two shows coming up and you're going to want to be at both of them because they are awesome. There is no argument against this.
On Monday, November 15th I will be appearing alongside Subhah Agarwal, Tomas Delgado and 2010 "New York's Funniest" winner Nate Bargatze at the Monday Comedy Riot at Albatross Bar in Astoria. It's only 5 bucks and it's going to be killer. Join host ShauntotheFuture and all of us jackals at 8pm for a great time. RSVP here and I will text you pictures of my cock.
On Wednesday, December 1st I will be part of "Burning Bridges Comedy" at McSwiggans on 23rd St in Manhattan. It's a free show, featuring top tier talent and cheap ass drinks. I'll keep you updated on the full lineup and will list any other spots I get here.
On Monday, November 15th I will be appearing alongside Subhah Agarwal, Tomas Delgado and 2010 "New York's Funniest" winner Nate Bargatze at the Monday Comedy Riot at Albatross Bar in Astoria. It's only 5 bucks and it's going to be killer. Join host ShauntotheFuture and all of us jackals at 8pm for a great time. RSVP here and I will text you pictures of my cock.
On Wednesday, December 1st I will be part of "Burning Bridges Comedy" at McSwiggans on 23rd St in Manhattan. It's a free show, featuring top tier talent and cheap ass drinks. I'll keep you updated on the full lineup and will list any other spots I get here.
Friday, October 1, 2010
The Future of Comedy is Fucking Depressing
I'm probably in no position to say this, but I'm going to anyway: the future of comedy is fucking depressing.
It seems like we're at a point where contrived pop-culture references and me-too nerd "comedy" have taken the place of having anything interesting, honest, or genuine to say. It appears that we've gotten to the point where we are afraid of being confrontational, so we've retreated into this false domain of geeky, hipster likability that says absolutely nothing. I just watched a clip from a new comic, who, apparently, killed his audience. It bored me to tears. There was nothing to it. The delivery was solid but there were no ideas. There was just this safe, non-committal, nudge-nudge-wink-wink, semi-relevant bullshit that would be acceptable from a mildly amusing party guest...but not a comedian.
I'm sick of it. I really am. Everyone seems to think they can talk about Spiderman or Hulk Hogan or fucking Jhonen Vasquez and somehow this automatically makes them funny. News flash, fuckface: it doesn't. It makes you excruciatingly boring to anyone who doesn't drink PBR ironically. It exposes how amazingly uninspired and unoriginal you are. It makes you look like the dweeby cunt you are and it isn't funny. Half of you fucking dorks make Bill Engvall look like Bill Hicks...and I say that charitably. A majority of what I've seen doesn't even approach a level of basic observational comedy. It's just a collection of tired old tropes passed through a Family Guy filter and seasoned liberally with winking and swagger...and Family Guy fucking sucks.
I would really like to ask some of these kids: have you ever done anything really stupid? Do you have anything that informs your worldview, other than kicking ass at Halo? When was the last time you fucked someone and really got something out of it? Have you ever looked at yourself and then looked at the world and wondered aloud "which of these things am I more scared of?" Have you ever really experienced or felt anything interesting enough to fucking talk about? If not, kindly hang up your mic and shut the fuck up. No one cares but the same group of boring, pretentious twats you did coke with last weekend whom you somehow conned into coming to your show...by promising to buy them blow.
If this is the future of comedy, tragedy just became fucking hilarious.
It seems like we're at a point where contrived pop-culture references and me-too nerd "comedy" have taken the place of having anything interesting, honest, or genuine to say. It appears that we've gotten to the point where we are afraid of being confrontational, so we've retreated into this false domain of geeky, hipster likability that says absolutely nothing. I just watched a clip from a new comic, who, apparently, killed his audience. It bored me to tears. There was nothing to it. The delivery was solid but there were no ideas. There was just this safe, non-committal, nudge-nudge-wink-wink, semi-relevant bullshit that would be acceptable from a mildly amusing party guest...but not a comedian.
I'm sick of it. I really am. Everyone seems to think they can talk about Spiderman or Hulk Hogan or fucking Jhonen Vasquez and somehow this automatically makes them funny. News flash, fuckface: it doesn't. It makes you excruciatingly boring to anyone who doesn't drink PBR ironically. It exposes how amazingly uninspired and unoriginal you are. It makes you look like the dweeby cunt you are and it isn't funny. Half of you fucking dorks make Bill Engvall look like Bill Hicks...and I say that charitably. A majority of what I've seen doesn't even approach a level of basic observational comedy. It's just a collection of tired old tropes passed through a Family Guy filter and seasoned liberally with winking and swagger...and Family Guy fucking sucks.
I would really like to ask some of these kids: have you ever done anything really stupid? Do you have anything that informs your worldview, other than kicking ass at Halo? When was the last time you fucked someone and really got something out of it? Have you ever looked at yourself and then looked at the world and wondered aloud "which of these things am I more scared of?" Have you ever really experienced or felt anything interesting enough to fucking talk about? If not, kindly hang up your mic and shut the fuck up. No one cares but the same group of boring, pretentious twats you did coke with last weekend whom you somehow conned into coming to your show...by promising to buy them blow.
If this is the future of comedy, tragedy just became fucking hilarious.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
When Drunk Comedians Attack!
Enjoy the clip, shot by Drew of The Odortones at Penny's Open Mic, Theater UNDER St Mark's, NYC:
Thursday, August 12, 2010
On Risky Subject Matter, Identity and the "Alt" Scene
In the year I've been doing comedy it has become readily apparent (to me, at least) that I am not an "alt" comic. I don't really make pop-culture or obscure geek-culture references. I don't ironically riff on old tropes. I don't play around with weird, surrealistic meta-bits. It's just not me. Now, let me make this clear: there is nothing inherently wrong with any of the techniques and stylistic tendencies I just outlined as things I generally steer clear of. I know a lot of guys and gals who employ some, if not all, of these devices to great effect. These people are hilarious and I respect them greatly for what they do. It's just not a path I choose to walk.
I prefer to take a darker road. The subject matter I like to explore carries with it significant risk. I generally talk about things that baffle me, disappoint me or enrage me. Any given set I do will probably involve frank discussion about the failures of government, religion and humanity in general. I won't shy away from racially charged material either, nor will I gloss over my own personal flaws (such as my heinous social awkwardness). None of this is exactly cheery and I realize that I run the risk of simply coming across as a bitter old fuck with nothing remotely entertaining to say. I'm ok with that. What I wouldn't be ok with is getting up in front of you jackals and not telling the truth...or at least, my version of it.
This is a choice I'm consciously making so I can strip away the veneer that separates performer and audience. I'm not some terribly important public figure and my ideas are not sacrosanct and holy. In fact, if they ever became that I would have to publicly piss on them for sport. I'm no better than anyone in my audience. Frequently, in my personal life, I'm far worse. The only thing separating me from the audience is a shitload of bitterness and a microphone. I can only hope that it's funny, entertaining and maybe, if I'm really hitting it, a little thought-provoking and insightful.
Yours in fear, doubt and self-loathing,
Nate
PS: Check out these fuckin' shows:
Thursday, 8/19
Four Jesters of the Apocalypse, hosted by yours fuckin' truly
Yes, you can RSVP through that link and invite friends. Do it because I said so.
Tuesday, 8/31
World's Greatest Grandson
Van Gogh's Radio Lounge
Greenpoint, BKLYN
See you all there, fuckers.
I prefer to take a darker road. The subject matter I like to explore carries with it significant risk. I generally talk about things that baffle me, disappoint me or enrage me. Any given set I do will probably involve frank discussion about the failures of government, religion and humanity in general. I won't shy away from racially charged material either, nor will I gloss over my own personal flaws (such as my heinous social awkwardness). None of this is exactly cheery and I realize that I run the risk of simply coming across as a bitter old fuck with nothing remotely entertaining to say. I'm ok with that. What I wouldn't be ok with is getting up in front of you jackals and not telling the truth...or at least, my version of it.
This is a choice I'm consciously making so I can strip away the veneer that separates performer and audience. I'm not some terribly important public figure and my ideas are not sacrosanct and holy. In fact, if they ever became that I would have to publicly piss on them for sport. I'm no better than anyone in my audience. Frequently, in my personal life, I'm far worse. The only thing separating me from the audience is a shitload of bitterness and a microphone. I can only hope that it's funny, entertaining and maybe, if I'm really hitting it, a little thought-provoking and insightful.
Yours in fear, doubt and self-loathing,
Nate
PS: Check out these fuckin' shows:
Thursday, 8/19
Four Jesters of the Apocalypse, hosted by yours fuckin' truly
Yes, you can RSVP through that link and invite friends. Do it because I said so.
Tuesday, 8/31
World's Greatest Grandson
Van Gogh's Radio Lounge
Greenpoint, BKLYN
See you all there, fuckers.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Quick Shameless Self-Promotion Post
I've booked a show for 8/19 at Waltz-Astoria that is beyond awesome, kiddies. Here's the lineup:
Myself(of course)
Jaqi Furback
Mo Diggs
Tim Warner
The show starts at 8pm and we'll be bringing you some hearty laughs! Be there!
Waltz-Astoria
2314 Ditmars Blvd.
Astoria, NY 11105
Myself(of course)
Jaqi Furback
Mo Diggs
Tim Warner
The show starts at 8pm and we'll be bringing you some hearty laughs! Be there!
Waltz-Astoria
2314 Ditmars Blvd.
Astoria, NY 11105
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The "What the Hell Made You Decide to do this" Story
Everybody has one of these stories. Nobody just wakes up one day, grabs a mic, riffs on a few ideas and has no tale to tell about how they got there. This is mine, complete with random tangents, digressions and ranting.
I'd like to start off by saying that I never saw myself as a Comedian. Sure, I've had funny things to say on many occasions and I can usually manage to get a laugh out of an uncomfortable situation...but none of that necessarily translates to being funny on stage. I've had respect for the art of Comedy and the role of the Comedian for a long time. I grew up watching George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Hicks, Dennis Miller, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock and numerous others. What struck me immediately was the ability of the Comedian to turn an uncomfortable idea into something hilarious. There's a sort of magic to that and it's amazing to watch it happen. I never thought I'd be able to do this myself.
This all started for me about a year ago. My friend Brian Douglas had just started doing stand up and I had checked out his videos of his performances and liked a lot of what I saw. One night we were hanging out at a dive bar in Alphabet City having a rather animated conversation over several $5 PBR and Whiskey shot combos and the subject of what makes a bit funny came up. If I remember correctly, Brian had a bit about gay marriage and the "slippery slope" argument many Christian Right fruit loops like to put forward that says if we allow same sex marriage, eventually people will be marrying their doberman pinschers. This bit eventually progresses to the point where it discusses how we'll then need special divorce lawyers to handle cases involving the separation of canine and human. We drunkenly went about talking about punching up the bit and I blurted out something like this:
"I think the Conservatives have the wrong idea: they should support gay marriage because gay marriage would be a great deterrent for gay sex."
Brian and I both laughed our asses off (the fact that we're both divorced possibly being a large factor in this) and then the question came from Brian:
"That's awesome...can I use that?"
My answer?
"Fuck no, man."
The response?
"Ok then, smartass. I do an Open Mic on Thursdays in the Lower East Side regularly. You have two weeks. If I don't see you get up there and give it a shot, that joke is mine."
I ordered another beer and a shot, thought about it for a second and responded:
"You're on."
Over the next two weeks I wrote about ten minutes of material and went out for the audience test. Something totally unexpected happened: I killed. I didn't just get polite laughter. I really nailed it...and it was the best feeling in the world. I'd found something new and dangerous and gratifying. I'm still doing it and I still love it.
Thus, a monster was created.
I'd like to start off by saying that I never saw myself as a Comedian. Sure, I've had funny things to say on many occasions and I can usually manage to get a laugh out of an uncomfortable situation...but none of that necessarily translates to being funny on stage. I've had respect for the art of Comedy and the role of the Comedian for a long time. I grew up watching George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Hicks, Dennis Miller, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock and numerous others. What struck me immediately was the ability of the Comedian to turn an uncomfortable idea into something hilarious. There's a sort of magic to that and it's amazing to watch it happen. I never thought I'd be able to do this myself.
This all started for me about a year ago. My friend Brian Douglas had just started doing stand up and I had checked out his videos of his performances and liked a lot of what I saw. One night we were hanging out at a dive bar in Alphabet City having a rather animated conversation over several $5 PBR and Whiskey shot combos and the subject of what makes a bit funny came up. If I remember correctly, Brian had a bit about gay marriage and the "slippery slope" argument many Christian Right fruit loops like to put forward that says if we allow same sex marriage, eventually people will be marrying their doberman pinschers. This bit eventually progresses to the point where it discusses how we'll then need special divorce lawyers to handle cases involving the separation of canine and human. We drunkenly went about talking about punching up the bit and I blurted out something like this:
"I think the Conservatives have the wrong idea: they should support gay marriage because gay marriage would be a great deterrent for gay sex."
Brian and I both laughed our asses off (the fact that we're both divorced possibly being a large factor in this) and then the question came from Brian:
"That's awesome...can I use that?"
My answer?
"Fuck no, man."
The response?
"Ok then, smartass. I do an Open Mic on Thursdays in the Lower East Side regularly. You have two weeks. If I don't see you get up there and give it a shot, that joke is mine."
I ordered another beer and a shot, thought about it for a second and responded:
"You're on."
Over the next two weeks I wrote about ten minutes of material and went out for the audience test. Something totally unexpected happened: I killed. I didn't just get polite laughter. I really nailed it...and it was the best feeling in the world. I'd found something new and dangerous and gratifying. I'm still doing it and I still love it.
Thus, a monster was created.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Post Show Ramblings
After I get done with a set, I usually get drunk. This past Saturday was no exception. I also happened to be in the company of great performers for whom I have a lot of respect.
...And I am positive that I was obnoxious. Sometimes, I've got big ideas and a bigger mouth. Sometimes ( and this has been evident onstage on more than one occasion ) I forget about the most important part of my job as a comedian: tell it funny. I get all wrapped up in the big idea and I forget to tag it. If you haven't got a laugh in there, all your golden words and brilliant ideas mean absolutely nothing because your audience has stopped giving a fuck about what you have to say.
Cheers to Ramtin Taheri for driving that point home while I was having a rambling, drunk conversation with Mo Diggs, Tim Warner, Jaqi Furback and John Murdock...among others. It's a great thing to be in the company of such talented people when you're still in your first year.
Thanks to all of you for reminding me of why I do what I do...and thanks to the great crowd on Saturday for showing me that I'm heading in the right direction despite my doubts. Another big thank you goes out to the wonderful people I shared the stage with. Here's looking at you guys...you kept the spot hot.
Last, but certainly not least, thank you to Brian Douglas...a man who always makes me feel at home on stage and unafraid to try things. This whole comedy thing started for me with a dare from Mr. Douglas...but that is a story for another time.
Have another beer for me, everyone.
-N
...And I am positive that I was obnoxious. Sometimes, I've got big ideas and a bigger mouth. Sometimes ( and this has been evident onstage on more than one occasion ) I forget about the most important part of my job as a comedian: tell it funny. I get all wrapped up in the big idea and I forget to tag it. If you haven't got a laugh in there, all your golden words and brilliant ideas mean absolutely nothing because your audience has stopped giving a fuck about what you have to say.
Cheers to Ramtin Taheri for driving that point home while I was having a rambling, drunk conversation with Mo Diggs, Tim Warner, Jaqi Furback and John Murdock...among others. It's a great thing to be in the company of such talented people when you're still in your first year.
Thanks to all of you for reminding me of why I do what I do...and thanks to the great crowd on Saturday for showing me that I'm heading in the right direction despite my doubts. Another big thank you goes out to the wonderful people I shared the stage with. Here's looking at you guys...you kept the spot hot.
Last, but certainly not least, thank you to Brian Douglas...a man who always makes me feel at home on stage and unafraid to try things. This whole comedy thing started for me with a dare from Mr. Douglas...but that is a story for another time.
Have another beer for me, everyone.
-N
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Pissing in the Wind
Hi, people.
Here is where I cordially introduce you to the wonderful, wonderful world inside my head. It's a place where love is a lie your parents told you shortly before they divorced. It's a place where street crime is the best free entertainment there is. It's a place where telling people to go fuck themselves is the most polite way of expressing disinterest in continuing a conversation. It's a place where dreams are born...it's also where they die and are reborn as something even I don't give a shit about.
Yes, this is the entirely narcissistic, utterly silly and (most likely) rarely insightful blog of Comedian/Professional Asshole Nate Rand. Yes, that's me talking about myself in third person. Don't interrupt me while I'm trying to make myself feel important.
Here is where I'll be posting random thoughts, clips, showdates, rants and requests for your hot friends phone number so I can call her when I'm drunk at 4am.
First bit of shameless self-promotion:
I will be doing a set this Saturday at the Beezy Douglas Carnival at 114 Forrest St in Brooklyn this Saturday. The show is starting at noon with some great music and brunch and will run all day. Be sure to stay for the whole thing and check out all the acts. The show is BYOB and free, so your aching wallet is no excuse, you fuckin' cheapskates. This is the Season I Finale and it will likely be the most fun you'll have all summer.
That's it for now. See you at the show.
-N
Here is where I cordially introduce you to the wonderful, wonderful world inside my head. It's a place where love is a lie your parents told you shortly before they divorced. It's a place where street crime is the best free entertainment there is. It's a place where telling people to go fuck themselves is the most polite way of expressing disinterest in continuing a conversation. It's a place where dreams are born...it's also where they die and are reborn as something even I don't give a shit about.
Yes, this is the entirely narcissistic, utterly silly and (most likely) rarely insightful blog of Comedian/Professional Asshole Nate Rand. Yes, that's me talking about myself in third person. Don't interrupt me while I'm trying to make myself feel important.
Here is where I'll be posting random thoughts, clips, showdates, rants and requests for your hot friends phone number so I can call her when I'm drunk at 4am.
First bit of shameless self-promotion:
I will be doing a set this Saturday at the Beezy Douglas Carnival at 114 Forrest St in Brooklyn this Saturday. The show is starting at noon with some great music and brunch and will run all day. Be sure to stay for the whole thing and check out all the acts. The show is BYOB and free, so your aching wallet is no excuse, you fuckin' cheapskates. This is the Season I Finale and it will likely be the most fun you'll have all summer.
That's it for now. See you at the show.
-N
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